Next Best Move

“Make your next move your best move”

What? I’ve been have a rejected sort of week so I guess I should take this advice with my next step but only after so many rejections can you still muster up the courage to make any sort of movements, yet alone a best move. I’ve been rejected by a field hockey club and the NYU soccer team, both of which have never even saw my play in either sport. Last fall I didn’t make the dance team and to be honest they look like stuck up pricks with their NYU bedazzled leotards and jazz shoes that I didn’t even want to be on the team. But I was so desperate to be a part of something that I tried almost begrudgingly. But clearly simply my name reeks rejections. Is it my first name or my last name? Or a combination of the two? Either way, it doesn’t matter because I’m still up in my room in the north tower piling on the pounds and getting exorbitantly out of shape to the point where I get winded and out of breath and also, embarrassingly enough, I get a headache when I take the stairs. Pathetic, I know. Either way should my next move be the best move? Or should I just forfeit, and keep my pride and dignity intact? It’s never been like this struggling to even get a chance to prove myself. It’s immensely discouraging. You can gather a lot of information from a silly email and none of it from the words. And it would be a lot to swallow my pride and push for the opportunities again. This is awful, in my head, I want to give up and surrender and blame the controlling extraterrestrials and the external spiritual beings who puppeteer all the goings on of the universe.  Should my next move be my best move? Right now, due to my ginormous, cumbersome ego, my best move may be under the covers of my bed and let the waves of sadness wash me away.

Katherine Benjamin