Our Declaration of Independence

When in the course of long nights up, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the educational bands which have connected them to with another, and to assume among the powers of earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self evident, that all students are not created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Sleep, a Social Life, and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Homework Limits are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of students. That whenever any Homework  Load become destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Homework Standards, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Sleep and Social Life. When a long train of abuses and sleep deprivation, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Zombi-ism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such standards, and to provide new Guards for their future sanity. --Such has been the patient sufferance of these Exhausted Teenagers; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Loads of Homework. The history of the present College Professor is a history of repeated injuries and deprivation of sleep, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these Students. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has subjected us to lack of social development.

He has destroyed our eyesight with long hours staring at a computer screen.

He has deprived our bodies the proper amount of sleep we need to function at a normal level.

He has tired our hands with countless hours of writing.

He has filled our brains with pointless knowledge we will never use.

He has forced us to do the same problems over and over to seemingly no end.

He has made us carry backpacks filled with books heavier than our own bodyweight.

He has trespassed upon the borders of school and infringed upon our lives at home.

He has prevented us from connecting with the world on Facebook and Twitter.

He has caused us innumerable migraine headaches and anxiety attacks.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms. A Professor whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the educator of students.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our student brethren. We have warned them of our struggle to keep up.We have reminded them that there is more to existence. We have appealed to their desires for Social Expansion. They too have been deaf to the voice of reasonability and of necessity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in Classrooms, in Night Clubs Friends

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united Students Against Homework, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the legitimacy of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of these Classmates, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Students are, and of Right ought to be Social and Well rested; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the College Professor, and that all educational connection between them and the University, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent Students, they have full Power to go out Friday Nights, conclude their weekends with Sleep, make new Friendships, get Jobs, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent Students may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

By: 

Vermont-

Catherine Pratt

Massachusetts-

Lily Jones

California-

Sydney Maynard

Caleb Su

New Jersey-

Keith Ferrara