America

As an immigrant, I have a different view of America than the "born and bred" Americans I've met since moving here. Sure, I got my American citizenship, but I also have an outside perspective. My first U.S. passport actually arrived at my mom’s home in Los Angeles on the day of the election. But I’ve never felt like an American. Not when I came here on a visa. Not when I became a green card holder. And I still don’t feel like an American even though I technically am one. An American citizenship didn’t change anything for me.  I still have my Polish citizenship. Poland is still my home and the only country I feel connected to (even though I’m not planning to live there ever again). I go back to visit: my family is there, my friends are there, my identity is still there. The only thing about getting an American passport is that I now feel responsible not only for one country, but for two. And I can’t forget the fact that I “became” an America on the same day Donald Trump was elected president. Now I’m responsible and worried about the political situation in two countries. And it doesn’t help that both of them are turning to shit. Poland got screwed by a far-right government–they are pushing ridiculous laws and trying to completely re-invent the country. It makes me feel ashamed that a country which was once a perfect example of progress and modernity in a post-communism era is now moving backwards. And now I also have to worry about Trump doing to America what the far-right government did to Poland. And even though I’m planning to leave the U.S. after I graduate, I will still feel responsible. And that responsibility, just like my citizenship, will stay with me forever. The responsibility for both of “my” countries. And when I move to a new place, a new responsibility will be added.

                                                                                                 -Malwina Bak