Loneliness.

Jamie Goldstein

Writing II

Prompt 14

      “If winning isn’t everything, why do they keep score?” –Vince Lombardi

      I do well at the bar game. Sometimes I smoke first, sometimes I down a few beers before I go. I try not to keep score but I probably hook up more than I should. It’s getting boring, honestly. “Oh, where do you go to school?” “What are you studying?” “That’s so interesting!” “What do you want to do with that?” “Has that always been a dream of yours?” “Hey, let’s go up to the bar, I’ll buy you a drink!”

      I’ve had that same fucking conversation a few dozen times. I’m so sick of these superficial dialogues, which hardly even deserve the “di” prefix. I never really know know who you are. But I guess that’s the point, right? That’s why we go to these college bars. We’re lonely souls who are just searching for a warm body to stay the night with. 

      I drift from face to face, never recognizing a one. It’s not their fault, I very rarely remember a person. I don’t like to trivialize these people, after all, I’m here looking for the same thing.

      Maybe I should stop winning this game. It doesn’t make me any happier. Sure I can talk a girl out of her dress, and don’t think for a second that I take advantage of anyone,  but really, what’s the point? 

      I think what I’m trying to say here is that honestly, I’m pretty lonely. I’m sick of everyone trying to meet up, hook up, fuck. I want something real, steady, emotive. I can’t stand this fucking superficiality anymore. But I guess that’s just how things are freshman year. It’s not a game, but I guess everyone keeps score.