Declaration of Veganpendence

Ryuta Makino, Issac Martinez, Antora Saha
Writing
October 9, 2018
Declaration of Veganpendence

When in the Course of Vegan days, it becomes necessary for one vegan to dissolve the meat-eating bands which have connected them with another, and to assume the powers of vegans, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Animals and Plants and of Animal and Plant God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinion of vegans requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation because we are different and therefore superior.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all vegans are created equal, that they are endowed by their Animals and Plants certain unalienable Rights, that among these are eating vegetables, hating on meats, and the pursuit to show our dietary ways that nobody really cares about. That to secure these rights, Plants should be eaten over Meat, deriving this diet from the consent of the Vegans, -- That whenever any Form of Diet becomes too much concerning Meat, it is the Right of the Vegans to alter or abolish it, and to institute a new diet, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its food in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Veganism. Plants, indeed, will dictate that Diet long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly, all experience hath shown, that vegans are more disposed to suffer, which meat-eaters are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when there are long lines at KFC and Arby’s, pursuing invariably the same Meta evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Meat Eating Empire, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Diet, and to provide new Dietary manners for their future security.-- Such has been the patient sufferance of these Vegans; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Meat Eating Diets. The history of present Meat-Eating Diet is a history of repeated misinformation and laziness, all having in direct object the establishment of a Meat-Eating Society that plagues our world. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Veganism, the most wholesome and natural dietary guidelines to which all humankind should abide by.

He has called together Restaurant Chains at places unusual, uncomfortable, and smelly such as KFC, Arby’s, Chik-fil-a, Burger King etc, for the sole purpose of fatiguing vegans into compliance with the “American” sentiment that relies upon and identifies itself as a Meat-Eating nation.

He has refused to provide the rightful accommodation of large districts of vegans, at parties where vegans are invited and upon arrival are faced with the smell of burning flesh and not a single vegan option.

He has endeavoured to prevent the spread of veganism; for that purpose of obstructing the right of animals; refusing to pass others to encourage such way of life and thus hindering the progress of humanity where we shall all eat plants on Mars.

He has made the general population dependent on his Meats alone for the tenure of their taste-buds, causing addiction through advertisements in trains, buses, on the streets and everywhere else that is open to our sight.

He has sent hither swarms of Vegan-haters to harass our people.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Halal carts and meat oriented restaurants without the Consent of the Animals or the Vegans.

He has abdicated Veganism here, by not declaring us as superior beings that smell good and have toned abs and thus waging War against us.

He has plundered our kitchens, ravaged our senses with the smell of meat, burnt our chickens, and destroyed the hopes of our people.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on our next-door neighbors who are always celebrating something with a barbecue, the merciless Carnivore Savages whose known rule of chomping on flesh, is an undistinguished destruction of all natural and holy taste, scent and conditions.

With each act of Oppressions We have constantly complained and stated our dietary restriction. Our repeated petition is only answered with mockery and injury. A man who is with character is thus marked by eating meat is unfit to be human among us.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our vegetarian brethren. We have warned them from time to time to stop the use of all and any animal products.We have appealed to their native justice, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred of not eating meat, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of non animal products. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation from the vegetarians, and hold them, as we hold the rest of meat eaters, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the American Vegan Society, located at 56 Dinshah Dr, Malaga, NJ , Assembled, appealing to the Supreme vegan of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good vegans of the U.S, solemnly publish and declare, That these vegans are, and of Right ought to be Free and should have more vegan friendly options in more restaurants no matter the place, and that all political connection between them and the vegetarians, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as more animal friendly group, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract PETA, establish vegan friendly laws, and to do all other Acts and Things which regular meat eater may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of the first amendment, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor, not to use animal products.