Speak

            When people ask me what I think the most important aspect of any relationship is, I quickly and assuredly say “communication.” No “kindness” or “trust” or “humor”, but the act of talking and expressing and letting the other person into your head. Communication is not small talk. It’s not a location device with a “I’m at the grocery store” or “Driving ttyl” text coming in every half hour. It’s not sugary paraphrases or false compliments or manipulative wording to get emotional reassurance or security or sex. Communication as I see it is synonymous with honesty with the additional pressure of vulnerability in thoughts and feelings and real shit. You have to express what’s going on in your head, and then let the other person or people in on it.

            You and I and everyone around us will only ever know what it’s like to be the person we are. I only know myself, and that’s on the good days. I have no idea what’s it’s like to be my mom or the old man at the grocery store or the person I’m with. If we’re products of our own experiences, which I wholly believe we are, then the delicate summation of our selves cannot be totally understood by anyone, ever. Relationships are about trying though. They’re about admitting to and confronting all of your feelings and mistakes and resentments and allowing the other person to react and have a say in where it all goes from there. Without communication, by focusing on humor or kindness or other bullshit, any and all chances of getting to a place of real intimacy are lost. That, I think, is the most heartbreaking thing.